Friends

As I was sitting on my balcony this morning, watching the sun come up and listening to the distant sounds of my children playing in their room, I realized that I don't have a best friend. Everyone has a best friend. I've had a few. We've managed to grow apart or get blocked by something else. It's the friend you do everything with, tell everything to. You know that if you're having a really bad day, you can call that person and they will be there, no matter what.

I recently came to a realization that my best friend and I have began to grow apart. When I moved from the Twin Cities back to Fargo-Moorhead, we slowly started to grow apart. We had little and little to talk about. This last weekend when we were supposed to hang out and catch up, I was blown off. It made me see that maybe we aren't best friends anymore, hell maybe we never were. I'm not bitter about it, I'm happy I can still say I know she is my friend, but it's not that next level anymore. She has someone else, and I'm okay with that.

Here I sit now, missing that extra person in my life. I want to be able to call someone and talk for hours. I want them to come over to my house and sit up with me drinking wine and watching movies. I want to share myself with someone, I want that connection. I miss that friend. I used to have that feeling, the feeling that I had someone. No matter what I knew that in the end I had someone who believed in me and I believed in them just as much. I knew that if I wanted to go on a road trip on a whim, they would be in the passenger seat. I knew if I wanted to try some crazy weight loss plan, they were going to try it with me. I knew that they knew everything about me and I knew everything about them. There was no reason to lie or cover up parts of your life because they didn't care. They simply loved you and you loved them.

I miss that friend, I want that friend, I hope that someday I will have that friend again.

I have a ton of great friends in my life however that continue to keep me smiling and I wouldn't trade them for anything else in this world. I simply miss a partner in crime. I no longer have that and I want it back, want it more than I can say.