Friends

As I was sitting on my balcony this morning, watching the sun come up and listening to the distant sounds of my children playing in their room, I realized that I don't have a best friend. Everyone has a best friend. I've had a few. We've managed to grow apart or get blocked by something else. It's the friend you do everything with, tell everything to. You know that if you're having a really bad day, you can call that person and they will be there, no matter what.

I recently came to a realization that my best friend and I have began to grow apart. When I moved from the Twin Cities back to Fargo-Moorhead, we slowly started to grow apart. We had little and little to talk about. This last weekend when we were supposed to hang out and catch up, I was blown off. It made me see that maybe we aren't best friends anymore, hell maybe we never were. I'm not bitter about it, I'm happy I can still say I know she is my friend, but it's not that next level anymore. She has someone else, and I'm okay with that.

Here I sit now, missing that extra person in my life. I want to be able to call someone and talk for hours. I want them to come over to my house and sit up with me drinking wine and watching movies. I want to share myself with someone, I want that connection. I miss that friend. I used to have that feeling, the feeling that I had someone. No matter what I knew that in the end I had someone who believed in me and I believed in them just as much. I knew that if I wanted to go on a road trip on a whim, they would be in the passenger seat. I knew if I wanted to try some crazy weight loss plan, they were going to try it with me. I knew that they knew everything about me and I knew everything about them. There was no reason to lie or cover up parts of your life because they didn't care. They simply loved you and you loved them.

I miss that friend, I want that friend, I hope that someday I will have that friend again.

I have a ton of great friends in my life however that continue to keep me smiling and I wouldn't trade them for anything else in this world. I simply miss a partner in crime. I no longer have that and I want it back, want it more than I can say.

Update

I began this school year off to a bad start. I have already missed a few classes (in my defense I was pretty sick) and have let my homework pile up. That needs to stop today! I cannot afford to do badly in school and I know this. I pay for it and I need this education in order to move forward in life. I need a good career so that I can give my children the best future possible.

These last two weeks have also been bad for working out, mainly because I could barely breath with this cold but I really need to be keeping up with that as well. If I want a better body, healthy weight and good skin. I need to take care of myself, which also means quitting smoking and for the most part cutting drinking out of my life as well. Smoking is by far my biggest vice. It has been my release for so many years, I do not know how I will be able to let go of it, but I know I have to. I'm joining  www.quitplan.org to quit for the month of October (and hopefully forever), with them I have a chance to win $5,000. So wish me luck with that!

Besides that, I'm working 14 hours tomorrow and 8 hours on Saturday. I will be pretty quiet through that. I'm also trying to find time between my being lazy and my busy life to write. I need to get on that and I need to do it for fun and for me, not for anyone else.

Labor Day Weekend

So I went down to the Twin Cities. I was extremely excited because I would be able to see my brother, my friends, and do a little shopping. I found out my brother was not going to be there Saturday and most of Sunday however, it was a little disheartening. I understand though because the boy has his irons in a lot of fires, being a hip hop artist is one of them and I respect that when he is booked for an appearance, he has to be there. I knew La would be there though and that kept me happy. We spent some time together on Friday night, we drank (well me and La drank and he laughed at us) and I managed to shatter a McDonalds Coke glass on cushy carpet and of course cut my foot open as well, then later on scrape up my arm. So, we did see each other.

My best friend Amy, who had earlier this week called my husband and his best friend to complain how I haven't been around, had set up some time to see me and totally ditched me when it came time for us to hang out. The next day she called in the early morning but I didn't answer, mainly because I was angry and I'm holding a grudge at the moment. She didn't leave a message or text me either so I'm just going to wait until she decides to call again, I have no time for that drama in my life.

La and I had lots of fun! We went to the Burnsville Mall on  Saturday and did some shopping, I got some new accessories and some new pants. We ate Pretzelmaker pretzels and then later we went to eat noodles at Noodles and Company. After that we went to the grocery store to get some munchies, hair dye, and something to mix with our remaining Ketel One vodka. We hung out until she had to go to bed for work. Ashley B. came over for a little while. I hung out with Ben after they went to bed, we played video games and chatted, it was fun.

Sunday I slept in and when La came home we got some Chinese food then came back and dyed our hair. Robbi came over for a bit and I got to see pics of the little baby in her belly! I'm pretty excited for her and my squishy. La and I talked and smoked lots of cigarettes while we waited for the boys. After spending some time when my brother came home, I let them have some alone time (he had to leave to go to the tattoo shop the next day) and took John on an adventure to see my squishy at Perkins. We talked for a couple hours and we went back to the house and slept. I got the boys the next morning and headed home, the drive was awful, it was raining pretty bad. But, we made it safe and sound and it was a good weekend.


I really want to find a way to move back down there and still be able to afford picking Serenity up every other weekend. This thought is to be continued, I need to go to bed and go to school tomorrow!